Ladies and Gentlemen…start your engines. The race to get married has officially begun. I attended the first wedding of one of my friends this past weekend. Previous to this, the only experience I had was with random, do-I-actually-know-these-people? weddings and my sister’s wedding (I was the made…er….maid of honor at this one…the only bridesmaid not to get puking drunk and decide to publicly berate others on the dancefloor…another story for another time). The man getting married this weekend and I were friends even before we were born (being that our parents have been best friends for years). He and I grew up together, played house, hookie, and went through that hideous gawky phase together….only to grow apart in recent years. The wedding was…to say the least…depressing. The bride was extremely reserved and almost sedated, had tatoos that her unstrategically(is that a word? Too damn bad)-designed dress failed to hide, and I was one of the only single gals in the place…not to mention that the groomsmen already had on wedding bands of their own. My friend was always the witty, sarcastic and jovial one of the bunch…but to see him reduced to a receiving line smiling and nodding like a puppet was too much for me. I, at 24, realize for the first time, that it is ok that I am not married. Prior to this weekend I would keep up my constant mindless stream of “Oh, no, I am not ready to settle down! I am just having fun being single for now!” when my mom’s friends would ask if I was dating anyone special but not really believe it. I loved it when Miranda went off about dating special people on Sex and the City….no, I am not daing anyone special, but I am dating many unspecial people….I am not ready to pretend to be able to be with someone for the rest of my life when I can’t even decide if I want to keep the Michael Kors coat that I splurged on last week with the tags still dangling. Come on! I wonder if this whole wedding thing is just a charade at my age. I am just getting to know myself and what I like and dislike and can’t imagine having to deal with someone else’s crap at the same time. I forget to eat on a regular basis (too busy), forget to do laundry (too lazy) and without the help of my Palm Pilot forget that I even have a date. If I can’t handle myself, how can I handle someone else?

ella wrote this on May 1st, 2005 and filed it under Single Life |