Jealousy

by Leaf McGowan

Humans are jealous creatures. Jealousy has to be understood, managed, and controlled. No one is absent of jealousy.  However, out of the 7 types of jealousy, there are certain kinds that have no place in polyamory. One of these is territorial jealousy. Situational jealousy will arise over certain issues in a relationship and need to be embraced to kept the relationship bonded. The best cure for neglect is of course to focus attention on that which is neglected. Its very important to consult with your primary before entering a new sexual relationship with a secondary or another primary. The primary must feel good about the new partner and not feel threatened by them. Timing and abundance of course has to be considered – everything in polyamory has to run through checks and balances. Because once again, the jealous primary can destroy any chances of his/her primary from taking on new partners if they never accept or feel threatened by them.

Everyone is already whole. They do not need to have someone else to “complete” them. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife” (Jean Austen)  Those who somehow feel incomplete and need to find their other half to feel whole. One needs to find wholeness within themselves and able to love themselves before they can really love another.

This factor often leads into the other big emotion that blocks free love. This is the emotion of jealousy.

“Let jealousy be your teacher. Jealousy can lead you to the very places where you most need healing. It can be your guide into your own dark side and show you the way to total self-realization. Jealousy can teach you how to live in peace with yourself and the whole world if you let it.” – Deborah Anapol, Love without Limits.   Jealousy strikes not only from partners cheating on one another, but even with mundane life norms like work, social friends, situations, events, etc.  Everyone has jealousy.   Jealousy is often a expression of insecurity, a fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of being left out, feeling not good enough, or feeling inadequate.

There are (at least) seven different types of jealousy:

1. possessive
2. obsessive
3. left out syndrome or fear of abandonment or being left out.
4. inconsideration
5. envy or feeling not good enough
6. co-dependence or insecurity.
7. ego or feel of rejection or feeling inadequate.