I believe there is a right time to start dating again after a break-up, but the specific “time” can be individual. To know if you are ready to start dating again, there are some questions you should ask yourself:
Do you still think of your ex first thing each day? – if your ex is only a fleeting thought every now and then and not the first thought of each day, you are probably ready to start dating again.
Do you find yourself talking about your ex a lot? - You’re recovering well if your ex isn’t the topic of most conversations. During the recovery period, we tend to talk about the ex every chance we get. This is a way of processing what has happened. When you no longer feel the need to talk about the ex, you are releasing them from your system.
“Our song” – Many couples have an “our” song. After a break-up, hearing that song can bring back fond memories, although not a lot of sadness. If you can hear the song you once shared and not reach for the Kleenex, you may be ready to move on to someone new.
The phone call – if your ex calls, how do you react? If you are nonchalant about the call and feel like you’re just talking to an old friend, this is a good sign you are moving from the past and into a bright future.
The ex is dating someone new – you find out your ex is dating someone new. Do you get jealous or terribly sad, so much you think of ideas to sabotage their relationship…or are you happy for them? Assessing your feelings will have a lot to do with how well you have recovered.
Do you still hold anger or resentment – if hearing your ex’s name or thinking about them conjures up thoughts to seek revenge or get even, you aren’t over them. Anger and resentment are a way of holding on. Being able to forgive and not have anger or resentment is a sign you are over the ex.
Your ex wants you back – think of a scenario where you see your ex and they tell you they want you back. How would you react? If your first thought is “I’d take them back without a doubt”, you aren’t over them. You need more time to free yourself of them and to think about what led to the break-up.
Someone new – when you think of someone new do you get excited at the thought and feel you can offer of yourself to them completely or do you feel part of you is still with the ex and you can only give part to someone else? You are ready to date again when you know you can give your all.
If you aren’t totally over your ex, this doesn’t mean you can’t have a social life. You can turn to friends and family or go out in groups until you are more ready to get involved in a relationship. Getting involved too soon often leads to a rebound relationship, which can lead to double the heartache. Giving yourself time to recover, release and move on will be beneficial in the end. Assess your feelings frequently and you’ll know when the right time is for you to start dating again.