I recently dated a male who has significant mental illnesses. However, he is in denial and refuses to get the treatment in which he needs. He has not been on any medication for at least 9 months and continues to self-medicate himself with alcohol on nearly an everyday basis.

The breakup is hard. However, I refuse to allow his unacceptable behaviors to compromise my values and personal convictions. Dating someone with a mental illness is hard. After all dating is hard itself. But dating a significant other with a mental illness can be exhausting, frustrating, and confusing. Especially when communications become so blurred that there is no understanding on either part. I will not say that I would not ever take my significant other back. He is a loving and compassionate person.

My advice to those who are dating a loved one with a mental disorder, is to first learn about the illness. Initially, I failed in this area because I believe him when he told me that he could take care of his problem. Then the problem became out of control. If I had done my homework to learn about the signs and symptoms that were associated with his disorders perhaps I could have encouraged him to treatment. Also, I would have reacted to certain situations in a different manner.

My second advice is to determine rather or not the relationship is worth saving. If it is not, then walk on. If you feel that it is, then be patient, listen, and have empathy. You want to empathize with the person you love, not sympathize for them. You have to be careful in knowing the difference of a co-dependent and a supporter. I know that this difficult because they are our loved ones and we just want them to be happy. Having sympathy can open you up for manipulation. Also, you have to be careful and not make to many assumptions.

Lastly, also have a plan in place so that when your loved one becomes stablize, you will know the signs and symptoms of a relapse. Having a plan will help you to be able to cope better with what is going on and to be able to help your loved one. Also, seek the support of family, friends, support groups, and if you have to, therapy.

Cheryl Miller wrote this on April 24th, 2008 and filed it under Single Life |