There are many reasons why divorce recovery can be a slow and painful process: there’s the plummet in your self-confidence after being rejected by a longtime partner; there’s the loneliness, the feeling of not being whole without somebody to share your life; and there’s the disillusionment in marriage as the great happily-ever-after, or at least in your own marriage as “the real thing.” You’ll grieve the loss of what you thought was marital bliss, and this is a normal and necessary stage.

What could be more painful than the loss, however, is the fear of being single. How will I cope? you wonder. It’s scary to start over by yourself after depending on your marriage for so long. You may have merged your identity so closely with your spouse’s — defining yourself as half of a couple, not as an individual — that you can’t imagine continuing on your own. Perhaps you don’t know if you’re strong enough to take care of yourself without a spouse’s help. Or you’re ashamed of singlehood in a society defined by relationships. Will I survive? Will I be of use? Can I still find happiness?

The answer to these questions, hard to believe as it may be, is a resounding YES! More than you know, in fact, and in ways you can’t foresee while in the early stages of divorce recovery. But it will take time and effort on your part. Reinventing yourself as a single person will be challenging, but through patience and positive thinking, you’ll do it, and the rewards will be more than worth it.

Ivy Revereza wrote this on June 27th, 2008 and filed it under Single Life |